If you're looking for something funny or happy to read this post is not for you, so check back later. Sorry family.
I'm feeling very frustrated and angry nearly to the point of lividity (I used the word wrong but oh well) and being awake at 3 AM isn't helping. I guess all you can do for me is just say a little prayer. Which now that I think about it is a little ironic considering what I'm going to write about.
'
Maybe it's just me but I feel like most bad things don't touch us for awhile as children. Sometimes they do, but generally speaking, most of us live our happy lives and look around at bad things feel a moment of sad and move on. I guess some people would say that I've seen my share because of my disability and all the junk that comes with that. I've dealt with death, but even then it stings a little, It's not the end and you learn how to deal with it and move on. People are always saying, but Angela, you've dealt with some really hard things and you do every day. HA! My life is so easy! I don't even have the right to complain! I'm not a single mom struggling to make ends meet, I'm not starving, I have a job, a house and I could go on and on.
Right now, I'm not dealing very well. One of my best friends in the whole wide world has cancer. There's no family history or anything so it came as quite a shock. It sure shakes up your world when this person is just a year older than you. It could be me next year. I think what has me so bent out of shape is that I simply can't fix it. I can't take it away no matter how hard I want to. I HATE feeling helpless and not knowing what to do. It's the worsestestest! I feel like I could handle this trial and it is totally unfair that she has to. She is young, brave, so kind, friendly, one of the best teachers around, uber talented, beautiful, dates a lot, has a great job and everything awesome. I know, I know I have most of those things, but I sure feel like like an ugly duckling in comparison, but I sure feel like a trial like this would be ok for someone like me because I'm not that. I know I know, but that's just my opinion right now when I'm mad!
When she first told me, we laughed. I guess you could say you can either laugh or cry and we picked one. When I got off the phone I cried. I don't know anything about cancer really and I don't know a lot about how to get rid of it. I don't know anything about chemo except for the fact that it's poison. I don't know how it affects the body and if it changes if you can have kids or any of that. I just know that it's evil and that people don't live or do live that have it. Anyway, I could rant and rave some more but it's not going to make any difference. I just felt like needed to write in a fairly safe place. Sorry family. Once you write something down it becomes not just an idea but real because it was created. I'm hoping that writing words will make it so I can sleep.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Personality Tests
Do you know why they didn't hire the cross-eyed teacher?
She couldn't control her pupils.
That, right there is a joke worthy of being called a dad joke. I have more if you need them.
I haven't blogged in awhile because i have been super busy. Like, crazy insane busy.
I've officially hit the bottom of the low point in my first year, and yes it is the pits. I am grateful for the fact that I know this is normal and will go away eventually. Working in charter school systems is hard. Parents decide that their kid isn't doing well, or not learning what they want or blabbedy blah blah blah. I just feel bad for the poor kids because I feel like they deserve some stability but that's just me. I keep losing kids, even in orchestra and it makes me feel like a bad teacher even though it's not my fault. I just always really like the kids that leave. Can't they just take the awful ones?
It doesn't help that other jobs are opening and I keep wondering if I would be happier here or over there, but then moving sounds way more daunting than just staying put for one more year so that's that.
I always wanted to be that cool teacher where students write me love notes....but this is all I get I guess.
It was pretty cool. I whited out some names so that I would be legal. If you see Jeffrey on there that is a student but not really. He's the invisible class member who tries to turn in other people's stuff with his name on it.
Saturday, December 6, 2014
In The Mood
Originally, I was going to use this post and just post it on my sister's wall so she would feel the love, but then I decided it needs to be shared with more people and I would spread all the love!
Every time Christmas comes around, I just REALLY feel the need to listen to the Messiah all the way through. The hard part, is that I have been ruined for life and the MoTab's version just doesn't cut it. Sorry Motab fans! (Thanks a lot college.)
Someday, I am going to own a baroque violin, and play in England, or California or something. Seriously, these versions are pretty darn awesome. I dare you to listen to the whole thing! I personally, believe this makes for excellent Saturday cleaning. The Messiah is such a pivotal piece of literature, that it should be listened to in it's best form. Obviously. It really does sound so much better!
If you hate the soloists in this one, here's another one.
Take a listen, mop the floor, wrap a present or something.
Every time Christmas comes around, I just REALLY feel the need to listen to the Messiah all the way through. The hard part, is that I have been ruined for life and the MoTab's version just doesn't cut it. Sorry Motab fans! (Thanks a lot college.)
Someday, I am going to own a baroque violin, and play in England, or California or something. Seriously, these versions are pretty darn awesome. I dare you to listen to the whole thing! I personally, believe this makes for excellent Saturday cleaning. The Messiah is such a pivotal piece of literature, that it should be listened to in it's best form. Obviously. It really does sound so much better!
If you hate the soloists in this one, here's another one.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Much Needed
A friend of mine sent this letter to me. It was much needed.
Everything in the letter is scarily accurate. I have hit the point in the year where I want desperately to just leave, go home to where I know there is food in the fridge, and maybe someone to ask me how my day was. Really, it isn't that bad I know! but some days I very much feel like it is. I get up to go to school every day for these kids, and once I get there I remember.
Recently, they've all been saying, "Ms. Helm listen! Look what happens when I go like this!!" Proceed to make inhuman/gross noises out of their instrument. Isn't that sooo cool?|!? I cringe, and they laugh. They haven't done this until recently, so I'm guessing it's the weather.
I play a funny on my advanced kids every week, and finally last week my one brilliant student caught on to what was happening.
A little background; my students think I only like them on Tuesday's, because I told them so. After a few weeks on a Wednesday I told them, "Students that was so yesterday and maybe today I will like you! Eventually, they've start arguing about whether the day I like them is Tuesday or Wednesday, and if they say it IS Tuesday that you like us, and I say well, I am pretty sure it is only Wednesdays. On Wednesday's I tell them the same only that the day is Tuesday. They go bananas arguing about it as though it is the most important thing, and I laugh. The lone cello player, this week while they were arguing told me very seriously he was sure I said Tuesday's. I said I know, he said then why..... trailed off...and then I looked at him raised eyebrows and we both started laughing. He said, "Ms. Helm, you are good!" I am good.
Speaking of cellos, I bought cello rosin just to have some on hand. It is the nice stuff, and I used it all my cello bows today. I wish I could capture their faces when this big noise comes out al of a sudden. It scares them, and then they start giggling (cellos are always giggling). Then the viola players all want some of the magic stuff. "Don't you want louder too?" they say. I just laugh (no way jose). My beginners don't understand why they can't have some. Silly violas!
As you can see, nothing too exciting. I am surviving, barely. Glad to get a break! Oh, and here is the letter. I copy and pasted it. It's from a blog post I found from somewhere.
Everything in the letter is scarily accurate. I have hit the point in the year where I want desperately to just leave, go home to where I know there is food in the fridge, and maybe someone to ask me how my day was. Really, it isn't that bad I know! but some days I very much feel like it is. I get up to go to school every day for these kids, and once I get there I remember.
Recently, they've all been saying, "Ms. Helm listen! Look what happens when I go like this!!" Proceed to make inhuman/gross noises out of their instrument. Isn't that sooo cool?|!? I cringe, and they laugh. They haven't done this until recently, so I'm guessing it's the weather.
I play a funny on my advanced kids every week, and finally last week my one brilliant student caught on to what was happening.
A little background; my students think I only like them on Tuesday's, because I told them so. After a few weeks on a Wednesday I told them, "Students that was so yesterday and maybe today I will like you! Eventually, they've start arguing about whether the day I like them is Tuesday or Wednesday, and if they say it IS Tuesday that you like us, and I say well, I am pretty sure it is only Wednesdays. On Wednesday's I tell them the same only that the day is Tuesday. They go bananas arguing about it as though it is the most important thing, and I laugh. The lone cello player, this week while they were arguing told me very seriously he was sure I said Tuesday's. I said I know, he said then why..... trailed off...and then I looked at him raised eyebrows and we both started laughing. He said, "Ms. Helm, you are good!" I am good.
Speaking of cellos, I bought cello rosin just to have some on hand. It is the nice stuff, and I used it all my cello bows today. I wish I could capture their faces when this big noise comes out al of a sudden. It scares them, and then they start giggling (cellos are always giggling). Then the viola players all want some of the magic stuff. "Don't you want louder too?" they say. I just laugh (no way jose). My beginners don't understand why they can't have some. Silly violas!
As you can see, nothing too exciting. I am surviving, barely. Glad to get a break! Oh, and here is the letter. I copy and pasted it. It's from a blog post I found from somewhere.
Dear First-Year Teacher,
I love you. I know that it’s soon, and I know that this might freak you out, but I can’t keep it inside anymore. I LOVE YOU! There. I said it.
I love that you have willingly entered a profession knowing that it is difficult. You’ve heard horror stories of the long hours, the nonexistent weekends, the classroom management, the parent management, the education policies that continue to get more and more ludicrous, the tiny paychecks, and you showed up anyway. You’re here because teaching and kids and the future mean a lot to you.
I love the fresh ideas that you bring. Whether you’re coming in with a degree in education or six weeks of training from an alternative certification program, you are bursting with cool ideas and new ways of doing things. Online funding for field trips, crazy new apps that look like they’re from the future, foldables for note-taking so elaborate they make paper cranes look like child’s play: I LOVE YOUR BRAIN! Some of your ideas will work and be absolutely genius, some might be on their way to genius and just need some tweaking, and some might crumble apart in your hands as you stand there weeping, but don’t you dare stop cranking them out. I need them! Your students need them! The world needs them!
I love your energy and enthusiasm. Where does it come from, and how can I arrange to have it injected intravenously? There are times where you feel like your joy and spirit have been stomped on and intentionally set on fire by your students or other people around you, but just stop, drop, and roll onward, my friend. Your optimism and upbeat attitude are just some of the things I love best about you.
I know that it's hard sometimes. I've been there. The paralyzing, hopeless feeling that settles in on Sunday afternoons. The head-on-your-desk cries at the end of a school day (and sometimes, right in the middle of it). The words that feel like the only ones you use while speaking to family and friends anymore: "Sorry, I' can't make it to [special event or fun outing] because I have to [insert teaching commitment here]." But just know that it won't always be this way. It's not that it gets easier, necessarily, or that those things disappear, but right now you are getting stronger, faster, and more equipped to manage the parts that are difficult. So don't give up. Keep fighting the good fight. There are too many people that love you and need you. (Like me.)
I’m sorry to tell you this in a letter instead of in person, but I’ve been by your house every night this week and you haven’t been home. Are you working or something?
;)
Love,
Your Very Public Admirer
Love, Teach teaches English at a Title I middle school and writes about it at http://www.loveteachblog.com. In addition to teaching, she enjoys most large bodies of water, tetherball, and this YouTube video of baby fennec foxes taking a bubble bath.
Thursday, October 30, 2014
Fall, Pictures and Popcorn
There are perks to being a teacher. I see them occasionally. I'm learning that a first year teaching job is all about how you handle the ups and the downs. It really is up and down ALL the time and so you just muddle your way through it the best you can and hope it works out. And you pray a lot. And cry. And laugh hysterically. And call your mom. It really is the best job, most of the time.
I love Fall. It is my favorite season, hands down. I mean, I like the other ones too but something about Fall... It's probably the spiced cider I feel validated to drink more frequently with the time of year. It literally tastes like liquid fall in a cup. After that description you know you want to go try it!
Anyways, it has been a crazy week. I just finished my very first concert! Woohoo! Sometimes, I look at it the wrong way and say "Man, I really shouldn't be stressed because I only have one group of students to really worry about and not four like my other friends." I should stop. But here I was, stressing anyway.
My kids did very well! I know this for three reasons. A. I had a parent ask me how to get her kid into orchestra. B. I got flowers (Automatic A's! but not really.)
C. My kids played their little hearts out! I did a concert reflection and it was pretty hilarious. I'll put those on the next post. I was so proud! An orchestra mother told me that she was so happy that this year I had picked out a piece that they could pretty well play and a piece that they could play super well, and that was awesome. I guess that is a pretty high compliment. I had to start the downbeat quickly because if I paused at all I'm pretty sure that the kids would see my hands were shaking. I didn't have to say anything either, which is also good because I would have rambled and rambled...ok moving on.
I just like being a teacher because kids give me stuff, duh! Happy Halloween bring on the caramel popcorn! I was given a bag from a student who assured me it would be the best caramel popcorn ever!! It was pretty tasty! I didn't take a picture and I don't think anyone would feel better if I showed you the empty bag. Caramel popcorn to me is like crack. Good stuff!
My other gifts tend to be drawings. I took off their names so if the picture looks a little weird that's why.
Apparently, I have a think for popcorn which is what that big one in the middle right below is.
Wise words.
Made from a students palms and fingers
On here somewhere it says I am a music rocker. I prefer the term roller...hee hee!
And I have no idea.
I love Fall. It is my favorite season, hands down. I mean, I like the other ones too but something about Fall... It's probably the spiced cider I feel validated to drink more frequently with the time of year. It literally tastes like liquid fall in a cup. After that description you know you want to go try it!
Anyways, it has been a crazy week. I just finished my very first concert! Woohoo! Sometimes, I look at it the wrong way and say "Man, I really shouldn't be stressed because I only have one group of students to really worry about and not four like my other friends." I should stop. But here I was, stressing anyway.
My kids did very well! I know this for three reasons. A. I had a parent ask me how to get her kid into orchestra. B. I got flowers (Automatic A's! but not really.)
C. My kids played their little hearts out! I did a concert reflection and it was pretty hilarious. I'll put those on the next post. I was so proud! An orchestra mother told me that she was so happy that this year I had picked out a piece that they could pretty well play and a piece that they could play super well, and that was awesome. I guess that is a pretty high compliment. I had to start the downbeat quickly because if I paused at all I'm pretty sure that the kids would see my hands were shaking. I didn't have to say anything either, which is also good because I would have rambled and rambled...ok moving on.
I just like being a teacher because kids give me stuff, duh! Happy Halloween bring on the caramel popcorn! I was given a bag from a student who assured me it would be the best caramel popcorn ever!! It was pretty tasty! I didn't take a picture and I don't think anyone would feel better if I showed you the empty bag. Caramel popcorn to me is like crack. Good stuff!
My other gifts tend to be drawings. I took off their names so if the picture looks a little weird that's why.
Apparently, I have a think for popcorn which is what that big one in the middle right below is.
Wise words.
I don't really know what this one is, but I like it.
Made from a students palms and fingersOn here somewhere it says I am a music rocker. I prefer the term roller...hee hee!And I have no idea.
I appreciate them. The sad part is that only one of these pictures is from one of my actual students....Hmmm...
Saturday, October 18, 2014
DayQuil
I don't know how to spell DayQuil and I'm too lazy to look it up.
For my readers' information playing a concert while on DayQuil can be quite exciting.
For the last TWO weeks I have been telling my students that they need to come to THIS concert! This one in particular because we were playing Shostakovich and it is one of my all time favorite pieces! I first discovered this piece in a music history class and I even told my students all about it, and showed them some of a recording/video of the piece. I love music history!
The concert was so exhilarating! Besides Shosty, we played Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No. 2 which is one of my favorite piano concertos that my brother in law played on a CD for me once. Thanks Jim! (Go listen to it on Youtube while at work or something.) Basically, this was a dream programmed concert in my opinion!! One of my college colleagues plays in the symphony with me and we were laughing but were a little sad because traditionally at college after a concert, the music students get together to talk to the conductor, each other, laugh, talk about silly things that happened while playing and then go and eat some ice cream together because the ice cream shop is close. Hmm....smart planning on the ice cream shops part! It doesn't work like that here. The conductor disappears and everyone goes home. What are you supposed to do with all your energy and feeling of general epic awesomeness???
Oh, back to my students... I even offered them double extra credit for attending. Oh, their faces! "DOUBLE EXTRA Credit?? Are you serious?? Miss Helm, nobody gives DOUBLE extra credit." Well small child, I do when it is imperatively important and will change your life forever, and I REALLY want to you to go But I don't tell them its only 10 points. See, you don't tell them that I get to pick the number to double :).
Even though my Dayquil over alert, yet slightly slow stupor made me see the words arco and not pizz. and I may or may not have played in a rest (my stand partner had a grand time giggling about both of these.. sad face) Stupid DayQuil that I love because it makes me feel happy... and able to play because my drippy nose stays mostly under control!
Guess how many of my beloved wonderful students came! Out of the 7 that promised me with adoring faces, flowers and chocolate, I had one. ONE! ONE measly student! Oh man, I was livid. I even came to this concert with a drippy nose, and they can't come??? AND, she didn't even bring me chocolate or flowers!
The whole way home...mufg gurgle *grinding teeth noises* aearaerg..stupid kids afaerge nagrebstarg... great concert opportunity.....mmreghha... I have failed them..argdfgni aaerhb!
However, on the drive home I came up with a brilliant plan of attack for next time!! Get this, I will just stick in a 50 point zero in the grade book so they all think they are failing and tell them if they want those points they will go to this concert and Bam! Their grades will go up.... Brilliant! Genius! I texted this brilliant plan to a fellow teacher friend and she kindly told me that my idea while brilliant, was most likely was not legal and to go bed now. I listened to her sage advice, took my NyQuil and went to bed.
Here, watch this video, maybe then you will understand why I LOVE this, or you won't and that's fine. I am only posting part 1. You can watch the rest on your own time.
For my readers' information playing a concert while on DayQuil can be quite exciting.
For the last TWO weeks I have been telling my students that they need to come to THIS concert! This one in particular because we were playing Shostakovich and it is one of my all time favorite pieces! I first discovered this piece in a music history class and I even told my students all about it, and showed them some of a recording/video of the piece. I love music history!
The concert was so exhilarating! Besides Shosty, we played Rachmaninov Piano Concerto No. 2 which is one of my favorite piano concertos that my brother in law played on a CD for me once. Thanks Jim! (Go listen to it on Youtube while at work or something.) Basically, this was a dream programmed concert in my opinion!! One of my college colleagues plays in the symphony with me and we were laughing but were a little sad because traditionally at college after a concert, the music students get together to talk to the conductor, each other, laugh, talk about silly things that happened while playing and then go and eat some ice cream together because the ice cream shop is close. Hmm....smart planning on the ice cream shops part! It doesn't work like that here. The conductor disappears and everyone goes home. What are you supposed to do with all your energy and feeling of general epic awesomeness???
Oh, back to my students... I even offered them double extra credit for attending. Oh, their faces! "DOUBLE EXTRA Credit?? Are you serious?? Miss Helm, nobody gives DOUBLE extra credit." Well small child, I do when it is imperatively important and will change your life forever, and I REALLY want to you to go But I don't tell them its only 10 points. See, you don't tell them that I get to pick the number to double :).
Even though my Dayquil over alert, yet slightly slow stupor made me see the words arco and not pizz. and I may or may not have played in a rest (my stand partner had a grand time giggling about both of these.. sad face) Stupid DayQuil that I love because it makes me feel happy... and able to play because my drippy nose stays mostly under control!
Guess how many of my beloved wonderful students came! Out of the 7 that promised me with adoring faces, flowers and chocolate, I had one. ONE! ONE measly student! Oh man, I was livid. I even came to this concert with a drippy nose, and they can't come??? AND, she didn't even bring me chocolate or flowers!
The whole way home...mufg gurgle *grinding teeth noises* aearaerg..stupid kids afaerge nagrebstarg... great concert opportunity.....mmreghha... I have failed them..argdfgni aaerhb!
However, on the drive home I came up with a brilliant plan of attack for next time!! Get this, I will just stick in a 50 point zero in the grade book so they all think they are failing and tell them if they want those points they will go to this concert and Bam! Their grades will go up.... Brilliant! Genius! I texted this brilliant plan to a fellow teacher friend and she kindly told me that my idea while brilliant, was most likely was not legal and to go bed now. I listened to her sage advice, took my NyQuil and went to bed.
Monday, October 13, 2014
Questions
Firstly, I am sort of apologizing for not having any pictures for this post. However, I feel less guilt because you got to look at so many from the last two posts. Yep, guilt gone.
These are some of my favorite questions I am asked on a daily basis. (no sarcasm here..)
1. Do we need our music today?
2. Are we playing today? (how often, when I am here, do we play small child?)
3. Does this G sound good?
4. What do you mean, count? Like, count to 4?
5. Why does it sound bad when I go like this?
6. Why do I have a zero for that practice record?
7. What do you mean extra credit? How much extra credit?
8. Wait, this G is on the D string??? Since when???
9. Do we need stands?
10. When did you hand out those? I never got one! (I hand them out the same day same time..fyi)
11. Why is my bow not making any sound?
12. Do you have any rosin?
13. Can you play like Lindsey Sterling? Do you know who that is?
14. Miss Helm, are you 35? Miss Helm what is your husband like? (yes they really think I am 35....)
I am sure there are a plethora more, but these are my favorite....not!
This right here....story of my life!
This right here....story of my life!
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